Ohhhhh Its been a while

HELLO LEMMINGS
Its been about 2 months ain't it? How you been? SHUT UP.

Im writing this in a Ibis Hotel in Hull, for which all I know could be on Guernsey Island for all I know, my geography is appalling. Why I'm in Hull? Well. Sit back people. Get comfy.
My grandad rang 5 days ago saying that I could make a quick buck if I came with him to Holland on this day. So the day came, I got my shmoking pipe, my clogs and orange dungarees, and we set off to Hull, for which then we'd board a ferry to Rotterdam, and then a hour and a half trip to Ventel, which is where I'd do a fun mix of manual labour and ticking fish off a sheet as I processed them. This dream of mine was never realised, as for when we reached border control (bored-der control more like (FUCK YEAH FIRST SHIT JOKE)) I was asked if I had realised my passport was out of date by 5 weeks. I said no, and then said if I did, would I really be trying to get through Holland with a dodgy passport, this just caused more tension and anger from both sides of the bulletproof glass of the border control station. I'm glad we were talking to each other through a microphone, as she looked like the kind of person who'd eat a big bag of Wotsits and refuse to lick her fingers or clean her teeth for several days afterwards.
Me and my Grandad set off towards the managers office, asking for some sort of pity, and was given it in spades from another woman who was neither angry or Wotsit-ty but more of a Mother Hubbard character. She still said no.
Bitch. So I was stuck in Hull and my grandad set off to (of what I presume) Amsterdam for a friendly night of marijuana and lovely ladies with no tops on.

Anyhoo.

I'm a very happy man. Why? I have been chosen by whichever God is alive with a woman who can stand my unfunny sitcom-esque life, my occasional bouts of paranoia, nihilism and extreme childishness and seems to bat it back at me with unending charm, humour and oddness that I find extraordinarily appealing. Shes turned me into a romantic mess readers, A BIG FUCKING ROMANTIC MESS. I love it though haha. I don't have to change for her, she likes me how I am, which is absolutely crazy insane but wonderful. Its early stages of course, but I hope to God we're as happy as we are now for as long as she can put up with me.
No jokes today, I have plenty for next time though, next post I write I shall dedicate to the black humour I hope the three of you regular readers love. (edit: Apparantly its just my Mum reading this now. Hello Mum)

Love and lime green and fuschia

Jc