You know the scariest thing that happens in my life?
The 5 seconds after I rinse my mouth out with water after brushing my teeth. You start brushing your teeth, brush brush brush, minty minty freshness, you nonchantly look into your own reflection in the bathroom mirror facing you. The scraggly balding 19 year old, with bags under your eyes, and spots on your face where other people don't get spots. You bend down and rinse your mouth out under the tap, and I'm paralysed with fear from looking back up in case I see a figure behind me in the bathroom mirror about to scare me witless. Even now, I have to rise up from the tap with my eyes closed. Even if I'm at a friends house or a hotel with no bathroom mirror for the unknown beast to scare me.
There was a period in my earlier life where I actually thought I was insane. I'd say I was about 13 or 14, like most people that age, its a period filled with angst and confusion, but in my eyes everyone else was coping a hell of a lot better than me. I was counting every step from my house to the local shop (at the time 387 steps from Beach Road to Deols Convience Store), and tapping out a rhythm with my hands on my thighs before every rugby game or practice (right, left, left, right, both, left, right, right, left, both, ad infinitum), and hundreds of other rituals I'd have to carry out every day to make sure the pessimist and worse case scenario gremlin in my mind would be quiet for 2 seconds before he starts again. Tt was only a couple of years later when I found out that these things, although abnormal, are experienced by everyone.
Essentially, I was responding to a superstitious impulse. There are people who won't walk under ladders or open an umbrella indoors, and football players with lucky socks or who touch the pitchline and bless themselves with the sign of the cross before going on pitch. "Its the rational mind playing a bad stereo accompaniment with the irrational subconcious" is how Stephen King once put it.
How do you tell the difference between everyday superstition and abnormal obsessions? It's when the aforementioned football player blames the teams loss for not following his ritual, or when a judge issues a court order making it illegal to open umbrellas indoors, blaming it for the rise in natural disasters. I may be taking it too far here, but its entirely true.
Theres something in everyone which is attracted to madness, and capable of doing insane things at the flick of a switch, everyone who has looked off the edge of a tall building has felt a small, minute morbid urge to jump. And everyone who's held something sharp and pointy has touched the end a little too hard for no reason whatsoever.
My point, however scary it is to whoever reads this, everybody is a thin line away from losing their sanity. I also believe that everyone at some point in their life, will poke a toe over that line and let the gremlin take over. If only for a few seconds. But it only takes a few seconds to jump.
Love and Pink Elephants
Jc
Tuesday 23 March 2010
Monday 22 March 2010
Lets start with a joke.
I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
Got hold of my tax exemption forms today, just hope the landlord doesn't mind waiting for the council to process them, and hopefully, if all's well and good, me and my other housemates can sign the papers tomorrow for our new house. But as is most times in my life, theres a small sliver of doubt in my mind, thinking that something is going to go wrong. When I say a small sliver what I actually mean is A MASSIVE FREAKING TUMOUR OF LETS-DOUBT-EVERYTHING-ITIS, its a symptom of OCD and can only be treated by calling yourself a cock twenty times a day for every single day. The presciption is in the post.
A story which is now a few years old caught my eye today, I'll link it:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7546975.stm
The man in question says that we should now accept well known incorrect spellings into everyday written language as they're so commonly misused and misspelt, that instead of complaining every year that childrens spelling is getting worse, we should nail the problem by accepting these as 'variations' of the words. Now, is it just me or does this appear extremely defeatist by the criminology lecturer? Its like working as a manager at a high street store and getting fed up of the odd few queue jumpers, and deciding to be done with queues altogether. Instead of changing the laws, teach the masses better. My argument is probably flawed, but not as flawed as his. Stick to criminology methinks.
Ooh that got me quite riled didn't it. Its probably the fifth time I've said this in this medium, but I cannot wait to be back in Fleetwood, its my Mothers (yes I call her mother, I don't why) birthday in March 26th (?), it might be 28th...
Lets go with 28th. I know, I'll give a present to her on the 27th just inbetween and say Happy Birthday on the 26th just incase. But yes, so I can't wait to see her, I'm a self-confessed mummys boy, and always will be, I think its because we have such a strong relationship over the years, Its been just me and her, (and several pets, including the rat ex-boyfriend she had a few years back) so its not suprising honestly.
We have a large strong family on my mothers side, less so on my dads side, but still much more than others have, and I can honestly say its them thats kept me sane over these years. Theres no hiding away from them, they're like a friendly cancer (haha can't believe I've described my family as a 'friendly cancer'...), as there just there and inescapable, if one member of the 30+ family doesn't turn up to a 'Wilson Sunday' as they've become to be known, Grandad will ask why, and Auntie Jo will as why, then Dominic will ask why, then others will ask why, and ring up and find out why and see if you're OK. People could find it annoying. But I find it fantastic, and warming that people are always there through thick and thin, and with the thin times, they'll be there with a joke. Not always an appropiate joke mind you, but thats what I've always said, if you don't like my humour, then don't meet my family.
Love and Wilson Sunday Kahlua
Jc
Got hold of my tax exemption forms today, just hope the landlord doesn't mind waiting for the council to process them, and hopefully, if all's well and good, me and my other housemates can sign the papers tomorrow for our new house. But as is most times in my life, theres a small sliver of doubt in my mind, thinking that something is going to go wrong. When I say a small sliver what I actually mean is A MASSIVE FREAKING TUMOUR OF LETS-DOUBT-EVERYTHING-ITIS, its a symptom of OCD and can only be treated by calling yourself a cock twenty times a day for every single day. The presciption is in the post.
A story which is now a few years old caught my eye today, I'll link it:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7546975.stm
The man in question says that we should now accept well known incorrect spellings into everyday written language as they're so commonly misused and misspelt, that instead of complaining every year that childrens spelling is getting worse, we should nail the problem by accepting these as 'variations' of the words. Now, is it just me or does this appear extremely defeatist by the criminology lecturer? Its like working as a manager at a high street store and getting fed up of the odd few queue jumpers, and deciding to be done with queues altogether. Instead of changing the laws, teach the masses better. My argument is probably flawed, but not as flawed as his. Stick to criminology methinks.
Ooh that got me quite riled didn't it. Its probably the fifth time I've said this in this medium, but I cannot wait to be back in Fleetwood, its my Mothers (yes I call her mother, I don't why) birthday in March 26th (?), it might be 28th...
Lets go with 28th. I know, I'll give a present to her on the 27th just inbetween and say Happy Birthday on the 26th just incase. But yes, so I can't wait to see her, I'm a self-confessed mummys boy, and always will be, I think its because we have such a strong relationship over the years, Its been just me and her, (and several pets, including the rat ex-boyfriend she had a few years back) so its not suprising honestly.
We have a large strong family on my mothers side, less so on my dads side, but still much more than others have, and I can honestly say its them thats kept me sane over these years. Theres no hiding away from them, they're like a friendly cancer (haha can't believe I've described my family as a 'friendly cancer'...), as there just there and inescapable, if one member of the 30+ family doesn't turn up to a 'Wilson Sunday' as they've become to be known, Grandad will ask why, and Auntie Jo will as why, then Dominic will ask why, then others will ask why, and ring up and find out why and see if you're OK. People could find it annoying. But I find it fantastic, and warming that people are always there through thick and thin, and with the thin times, they'll be there with a joke. Not always an appropiate joke mind you, but thats what I've always said, if you don't like my humour, then don't meet my family.
Love and Wilson Sunday Kahlua
Jc
Sunday 21 March 2010
That feeling you get...
Still in Ormskirk. Not that I dont want to be, but I'd prefer to be in Fleetwood with my family and friends. Im having an ok time here though I guess. its like seeing a cashnote on the floor, running up to it and finding out its a fiver, you'd prefer it to be a £20 wouldn't you. That may be me though, greedy, haha.
We've got many plans for when me and my mates all get together in Fleetwood, so many stories and drinking games to play, we've got Wrestlemania 25 as well (don't judge me), it'll be a chaotic and alcoholic three weeks. And then, when those three weeks are over, is when the serious money and work situation starts to pan out. If anything, it'll be a fun trip to go on.
Went on chatroulette last night, out of pure quizzical curiosity, after sifting through the cocks and posters wanting breasts, I met a girl called Ca, (I can't put the accent on the 'a' but there is one), from Brazil, she was a lovely girl, and we got chatting about our love of psychobilly and punk rock, and she told me theres a psychobilly festival in Brazil every year in March, we swapped facebook's and msn's, and thats going to be my mission. To go to that festival. Don't know how, don't know when, but I'm going. So if she's reading this, thanks Ca!
Its only a short blog today, as I'm feeling lazy haha!
Love and George A Romero zombie films,
Jc
We've got many plans for when me and my mates all get together in Fleetwood, so many stories and drinking games to play, we've got Wrestlemania 25 as well (don't judge me), it'll be a chaotic and alcoholic three weeks. And then, when those three weeks are over, is when the serious money and work situation starts to pan out. If anything, it'll be a fun trip to go on.
Went on chatroulette last night, out of pure quizzical curiosity, after sifting through the cocks and posters wanting breasts, I met a girl called Ca, (I can't put the accent on the 'a' but there is one), from Brazil, she was a lovely girl, and we got chatting about our love of psychobilly and punk rock, and she told me theres a psychobilly festival in Brazil every year in March, we swapped facebook's and msn's, and thats going to be my mission. To go to that festival. Don't know how, don't know when, but I'm going. So if she's reading this, thanks Ca!
Its only a short blog today, as I'm feeling lazy haha!
Love and George A Romero zombie films,
Jc
Saturday 20 March 2010
I tried setting my facebook password to penis. It said that my password was not long enough.
And with that poor joke I start. I've been thinking about all the strange and weird things thats happened to me over the years. And whether I'd prefer they didn't happen. If they didn't, I'd have had a much less debilitating and easier life, but on the other hand it wouldn't have been fun. I'm very lucky I have to say in my life and I cannot complain at all for anything thats happened to me, as people have it a million times worse, a fact people (including myself) forget to realise at their lowest ebb. I've a great family, all healthy and happy (touch wood), a smorgasboard of fantastic friends both in Ormskirk and back home in Fleetwood, of the latter I miss immensely, and can only hope these three weeks off, I'll get the most out of them (and of course IN them, in the way off alcohol).
So with the upcoming money situation, which could go drastically wrong, or horrendously well at the drop of a hat, I can only say, things could be worse. As I've said previously, my Mums done a brilliant job of filling out several applications for jobs for me, of which I can't wait for the interviews.
Im staying in Ormskirk for another half week, and then its back home to see my lovely mother and my awesome Bassett Hound Lola, and of course all my family and friends. Its a tradition for me and a few of my friends to watch Wrestlemania (shut up all you non-believers, its awesome) and its in a weeks time, and I can't be more excited. That and we're going out to Blackpool a few times as well, which will be awesome.
If all goes to plan, my housemates are coming down to Blackpool as well, for Charlottes birthday and staing for a couple of days whilst I take them round the sights and sounds of the Las Vegas of the North (HA), I do hope it happens, it would be an awesome time and me being a soppy bastard I'll be missing them like hell after two weeks. Again, touch wood.
Love and Sweet Chin Music
Jc
So with the upcoming money situation, which could go drastically wrong, or horrendously well at the drop of a hat, I can only say, things could be worse. As I've said previously, my Mums done a brilliant job of filling out several applications for jobs for me, of which I can't wait for the interviews.
Im staying in Ormskirk for another half week, and then its back home to see my lovely mother and my awesome Bassett Hound Lola, and of course all my family and friends. Its a tradition for me and a few of my friends to watch Wrestlemania (shut up all you non-believers, its awesome) and its in a weeks time, and I can't be more excited. That and we're going out to Blackpool a few times as well, which will be awesome.
If all goes to plan, my housemates are coming down to Blackpool as well, for Charlottes birthday and staing for a couple of days whilst I take them round the sights and sounds of the Las Vegas of the North (HA), I do hope it happens, it would be an awesome time and me being a soppy bastard I'll be missing them like hell after two weeks. Again, touch wood.
Love and Sweet Chin Music
Jc
Friday 19 March 2010
Mein Kampus
Hello all, apologies for the second blog, I felt guilty for not writing a post so I wrote one. Technically. Went to the view the house Im hopefully moving into next year, its a beauty, and a fantastic kitchen and bedroom which is wonderful. I'm living there with the 2 guys and 2 girls I'm living with currently on campus, I'm just ecstatic and lucky that I've met the 4 people, and that we all get along and bounce off each other. Sometimes, quite literally, as we're a bunch of mixed up super-hyper bastards.
The only issue holding me back from signing the forms for the new house straight away is the fact I need to get a council tax exemption form, you see, with me being special in my own little way for having these two mental (I hate calling them disorders) 'things', I can technically get tax exemptions, which is pretty awesome indeed, but a pain in the arse to sort out, which will keep me occupied for the first week of the holidays. As will my job search, my Mum's done a lot for me the last few weeks, and filled in a lot of job application forms for me to work at the NHS, a few in the DWP and even one in a prison, which would be hilarious. I'd feel like Tom Hanks in The Green Mile, except that there not on death row, and there won't be a large black man who's going to grab my balls. Well I hope not anyway. I would like a large black friend though, or a mouse.
Im pretty competent and confident when it comes to job interviews, I can show what Im capable of and can express myself quite well, its just after the job interview I need to work on. My longest job was working at my ex's Mums hotel in Blackpool, I cooked the dinners, did nightwatch, the check-ins and the general day to day running of the hotel, which I really enjoyed, would love to do it again, but obviously with different people. And less drunken Scottish agressive customers.
Been out tonight as well with Ben, Charlotte and Rachel (three of my housemates) and Emily, Bens girlfriend, got drunk off a cocktail which was basically a hell of a lot of tequila and Triple Sec in a martini glass, I wasn't too sure whether it made me look horrifically camp or terrifically suave, judging my the looks of my friends when I brought it over and the look of the other people in the bar, it's probably unfortuantely the former not the latter. Them lot were dancing as well, I fricking hate dancing. I'll never do it, i refuse. If theres two things I won't be doing at University is dancing, and paying council tax. Dead-fast refuse.
If you read my first blog, I'd have said hopefully my humour will help me find a job and a girlfriend, I do believe getting a job will be partly due to my humour, somehow, but the GF situation seems unlikely. I guess I can add another thing to the list of things I won't be doing. Not that I'm pessimistic, I miss the company, but I'd be afraid that having a girlfriend will stop me having such a fun time with my friends, as I know it did with my last, but I guess you've got to let these things come to you and not to force it. Because thats rape.
Love and Last Man Standing Cocktails
Jc
The only issue holding me back from signing the forms for the new house straight away is the fact I need to get a council tax exemption form, you see, with me being special in my own little way for having these two mental (I hate calling them disorders) 'things', I can technically get tax exemptions, which is pretty awesome indeed, but a pain in the arse to sort out, which will keep me occupied for the first week of the holidays. As will my job search, my Mum's done a lot for me the last few weeks, and filled in a lot of job application forms for me to work at the NHS, a few in the DWP and even one in a prison, which would be hilarious. I'd feel like Tom Hanks in The Green Mile, except that there not on death row, and there won't be a large black man who's going to grab my balls. Well I hope not anyway. I would like a large black friend though, or a mouse.
Im pretty competent and confident when it comes to job interviews, I can show what Im capable of and can express myself quite well, its just after the job interview I need to work on. My longest job was working at my ex's Mums hotel in Blackpool, I cooked the dinners, did nightwatch, the check-ins and the general day to day running of the hotel, which I really enjoyed, would love to do it again, but obviously with different people. And less drunken Scottish agressive customers.
Been out tonight as well with Ben, Charlotte and Rachel (three of my housemates) and Emily, Bens girlfriend, got drunk off a cocktail which was basically a hell of a lot of tequila and Triple Sec in a martini glass, I wasn't too sure whether it made me look horrifically camp or terrifically suave, judging my the looks of my friends when I brought it over and the look of the other people in the bar, it's probably unfortuantely the former not the latter. Them lot were dancing as well, I fricking hate dancing. I'll never do it, i refuse. If theres two things I won't be doing at University is dancing, and paying council tax. Dead-fast refuse.
If you read my first blog, I'd have said hopefully my humour will help me find a job and a girlfriend, I do believe getting a job will be partly due to my humour, somehow, but the GF situation seems unlikely. I guess I can add another thing to the list of things I won't be doing. Not that I'm pessimistic, I miss the company, but I'd be afraid that having a girlfriend will stop me having such a fun time with my friends, as I know it did with my last, but I guess you've got to let these things come to you and not to force it. Because thats rape.
Love and Last Man Standing Cocktails
Jc
Wednesday 17 March 2010
nullus cerebrum, nullus capitis dolor
"It's just like screaming in space - it doesn't make sense to do it on your own on the internet"
John Kennedy
And with this pessimistic quotation begins the first entry in my new blog. I've wrote a blog for 4 months before with about one or two entrys a week when i was 17, but that mainly consisted of me whining about my OCD and was filled with sexual tension. I can't honestly see how this blog will differ from the first to be frank, but as long as it fills a brief 10 minutes and distracts me from Facebook, University work and Get Ripped in 4 Weeks ads then i'll be happy.
Not that I'm happy now mind you, its that time of month where the colours drain from my eyes and I'm left feeling as cynical as a cynical thing. My humour is still here though, and to me that's the most important thing. Nobody needs happiness when you've got humour, not that i'm saying they're mutually exclusive, humour breeds happiness and vice versa. But this time of month the ties between the two are cut somewhat, leaving me to be the most ignorant and unhappy person to be with on a hot summers week, as it has been this last week in Ormskirk.
Now the people who don't know me as much will be thinking I have some sort of Male PMT, and I have in a way, if you want to call Manic Depression that. I do believe my friends think I have Munchausens Disorder for the amount of things I go into hospital for, but I'm a clumsy person, 17 stone of drunken idiot can destroy scenery and himself like Godzilla, all I can say is God Bless The NHS.
I won't try and mention the same items over and over, as reading through this I think appear to be somewhat mentally obsessed but I just want to give you an honest view of what I am and what I do. And anyway, I'm finding it to be a cathartic experience, writing, which is lucky as being in the first year of a Creative Writing and English degree, you'd hope you enjoyed writing.
I've done nothing this week, except for fill in a job application form for Thorntons, going part time means that I'll no longer get the Student Loans and Grants that full time students get, which is a ballache, not that going Part Time was my idea, but i'll explain that another time.
So this week I've done nothing but be cynical, eat, look miserable and play a bit of poker, of which three I succeeded in. Guess which I didn't. (Hint: I had to buy-in three times through the course of 2 hours). I just hope next week will be a brighter week, and we can get to work on the two aspects of my life which desperately need improving, Money and Love.
Hopefully my permanent humour will help me on both fronts.
Love and loud Southern psychobilly
Jc
John Kennedy
And with this pessimistic quotation begins the first entry in my new blog. I've wrote a blog for 4 months before with about one or two entrys a week when i was 17, but that mainly consisted of me whining about my OCD and was filled with sexual tension. I can't honestly see how this blog will differ from the first to be frank, but as long as it fills a brief 10 minutes and distracts me from Facebook, University work and Get Ripped in 4 Weeks ads then i'll be happy.
Not that I'm happy now mind you, its that time of month where the colours drain from my eyes and I'm left feeling as cynical as a cynical thing. My humour is still here though, and to me that's the most important thing. Nobody needs happiness when you've got humour, not that i'm saying they're mutually exclusive, humour breeds happiness and vice versa. But this time of month the ties between the two are cut somewhat, leaving me to be the most ignorant and unhappy person to be with on a hot summers week, as it has been this last week in Ormskirk.
Now the people who don't know me as much will be thinking I have some sort of Male PMT, and I have in a way, if you want to call Manic Depression that. I do believe my friends think I have Munchausens Disorder for the amount of things I go into hospital for, but I'm a clumsy person, 17 stone of drunken idiot can destroy scenery and himself like Godzilla, all I can say is God Bless The NHS.
I won't try and mention the same items over and over, as reading through this I think appear to be somewhat mentally obsessed but I just want to give you an honest view of what I am and what I do. And anyway, I'm finding it to be a cathartic experience, writing, which is lucky as being in the first year of a Creative Writing and English degree, you'd hope you enjoyed writing.
I've done nothing this week, except for fill in a job application form for Thorntons, going part time means that I'll no longer get the Student Loans and Grants that full time students get, which is a ballache, not that going Part Time was my idea, but i'll explain that another time.
So this week I've done nothing but be cynical, eat, look miserable and play a bit of poker, of which three I succeeded in. Guess which I didn't. (Hint: I had to buy-in three times through the course of 2 hours). I just hope next week will be a brighter week, and we can get to work on the two aspects of my life which desperately need improving, Money and Love.
Hopefully my permanent humour will help me on both fronts.
Love and loud Southern psychobilly
Jc
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