JESUS CHRIST ITS JOSHUA C. CANNINGS

HELLO LEMMINGS
After all your attempts to get rid of me this blog is back. Apologies for lack of posts, I have no computer in Fleetwood so access to this service is unavailable. How are you all? I don't care.
I've got a job down the docks, weighing fish, packing the fish, icing the fish, putting that really annoying thick plastic tape/wrap you get on toys, that always make your ability to play with your new toys on Christmas Day zero to none for the first hour whilst you're trying to remove it. Well thats me that is, I am that guy who puts its on. Well I don't put it on toys but I put it on boxes of dead fish. And I think I was the only kid who got that at Christmas...
I'm losing weight. Steadily. Slowly but surely, I hope to end up as thin as Karen Carpenter by the end of July. But I think I love Chicago Town Takeaway 4 Cheese Stuffed Crust pizzas too much for this too happen, we'll see I guess. Apparantly ladies love men in skinny jeans, but I know what you call skinny jeans on me. Ripped.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.

Blackpool are 500/1 to win the Premier League next year.
Which means if you put just £20 on them at the start of the season, you will lose £20. (sickipedia)

Nothing says 'I'm masturbating' to your neighbours like closing your curtains for 3 minutes each day.

Last night my girlfriend called me a lazy bastard.
I almost fell off my stairlift.

So yeah, my job. I get paid tomorrow, I'm spending all of it. Fuck saving it. My Mum said, "Hey Josh why don't you go out and spend your first weeks wages, then save the rest?" She was half right, I'm going to go out and spend my first weeks wages, and then next week I'm going to spend that as well. I'm going to go out and buy the biggest cheapest bottle of cider this side of the Fylde Coast.
The girl front isn't going well. I made a major leap in the whole scenario, readers know that I'm better at long distance running than talking to girls, but it turns out that this major leap I made was far too ambiguous to the girl in question, she might have just been trying to be kind. So I'm in a Catch 22 situation. The worst kind of situation there is. Even worse than a sticky situation.

5 WORD NEWS REPORTS

I CAN'T BE BOTHER, WILL DO THEM AT THE WEEKEND LIKE ANYONE CARES.

Love and Winnie The Pooh, how I love thee.
Jc