Readers Questions Number 2

HELLO YOU ROOM TEMPERATURE IQ'D WEIRDOS
50th post requires something special in my eyes, and what better way to celebrate 50 posts of mediocracy than people to ask me stupid fucking questions. I'm physically tired from football, mentally tired as always and hurting like a just-been-dumped balding cynical attention-seeking old-young man.


If you had a million pounds to design the worlds biggest and wackiest assault course, what would it consist of? (You can't have 3 planks of wood and pocket the money)
Jordan Whittaker

I love you Jordan but if you've got the chance to ask someone absolutely any question you'd like, I wouldn't ask what obstacles you'd put on the new Total Wipeout course. Personally, I like to see depressing abject failure, I'd start off with a 50m dash through a horizontal escalator, as tennis ball firing machines are pelting them at head level right in the jugular. They'd then be confronted with Craig Charles, Brian Blessed and Stuart Hall, throwing contestants from Japanese gameshows at the people taking part. Then other things that aren't as funny.


Whats wrong with women today?
Daniel Nicholson

Good god I'm going to regret answering this question...
Women, are just as flawed as men. But I don't honestly think that women believe this. As much as women had a hard time of it in the past, I don't think they just still be using this excuse, (many women still bring up the suffragettes, when explaining why they didn't get accepted for a job) as the reason why some of them, just like men, are complete and utter arseholes of the highest order.
Women can use both the "I'm a sweet and pretty woman, i can't do anything too taxing, a chivalrous man should do it" technique and "Girl Power! I can do taxing things, I don't need a stupid man to do it" technique. Men have only one technique, the "We'll try our best until something starts hurting or something more interesting comes along" technique.

So my conclusion to this disjointed arguement is, women and men are as bad as each other. Just cut each other a bit of slack from time to time.

I've almost been put off women for good because of the absolute wankshaft of an ex that was my first girlfriend, I've been complaining about it for nearly a year now, but I don't give a damn. When a man is on holiday, and gets admitted to hospital abroad with no idea what the fuck is happening to him. When I get a call saying she's going out with a 'gay' guy and all his 'gay' mates, I don't expect her to get off with the 'gay' guy behind my back and lie about it consistently. The absolute fucktard.
All I want in a woman is;
-Someone I can watch old movies with.
-Be able to get excited when we see free handouts in the street.
-Be able to go on more and more peculiar dates.
-Accept that I'm a wanker from time to time.
If anyone you know can fulfil this criteria, get in touch. Must have no Y Chromosome.

why don't monkeys play the bassoon?
Anonymous

Because it'd be bananas.


Love and Johnny Two Towels
Jc