Hog Lumps and Pig Snacks.

Seeing people jump off the top of the World Trade Centre was appalling, but at least the Weather Girls got their wish.

That joke was brought to you by the year 2001.

Hello you 20mg of Fluoxetine in the life that I call life. I'm finally running out of ideas, well, less that, more that's the first thing that I came up with and its an unwritten rule that I never go back in the blogs except for libellous statements, things I've written my Mum would disown me for and the red squiggly line of death that I've mentioned in the past. I think I've found a sport that I want to play. Less play, more take part in, as I'm pretty sure if I went into a boxing gymnasium and shouted 'LETS PLAY' they'd kick my face so hard I'd be the first human example of a wellington boot. I'd say a forte of mine is dishing out a punch. Taking them, not so much. But I'm sure that can be rectified. I quite like the idea of me being a failed boxer with Parkinsons who beats his wife when he's reached 45. I don't think that's going to happen though. I don't think I'll get married.
I'm too much of a pain to live with, what with my crazy brain and bad toilet habits. I see a bed less of a place for sleep and sex than a place where I can fart without having any of that awkward social stigma. I'm the kind of person who'd feel no shame in eating the last Muller corner or drinking that bottle of Dom Perignon champagne because its the last in the series of House on TV, the bottle of which the wife was saving for when the kids left for Uni.
I wouldn't say I was a tosser I'd just say I had higher priorities, I'd much rather make sure my current family were secure and happy and safe, than bombarding a woman and kid on the current family, of which my Nan wouldn't approve of her because she once flashed a breast on North West tonight when she was 22 and wouldn't approve of the kid because his first word strangely sounded like the expletive 'Wankshaft'.
I'm talking shit. Right I'm off. Off out in a night in Preston tonight, should be awesome, I'm on the sambucas and red wine, I'm going to feel like a Division 1 WAG.

Its only a matter of time until a monkey's going to come out writing the whole works of Shakespeare what with China's birth rate reaching 3,450 children a day.

(I don't know if that's funny, but it made me laugh when I thought of it)

Love and the realisation Dark Chocolate digestives taste better than Milk Chocolate digestives.

Jc