I'm not always like this, honest.

HELLO LEMMINGS
I've had an interesting few days. First of all went to my Dads on Friday, and got harassed by all matter of 40-something men. Saturday saw me go see Biffy Clyro, which was easily the best gig I've ever been to, surpassing my favourite band Radiohead at Old Trafford Cricket Ground. I don't know what it was about them, for the first time in my life I was free to make a fool out of myself by dancing and singing along and just generally having a superb time with my mate Luke. Monday saw me see Derren Brown for the second time with Ms. Farrell, what more can I say, freaking spectacular and an utter genius.
Anyway enough of my life, like you fucking want to know about it, you only read for the jokes don't you. DON'T YOU. Heres one.

Women have always said that men can't multitask. This morning I had a shit and a shave in the shower, I think I proved my point.

Back to what I want to say now. I'm up to 1000 views on my profile, holy mother of Satan thats impressive, well it is for someone like me who garners as much interest as an empty crisp packet on the road. Got a few job interviews coming up in Preston, frankly, travelling 45 minutes everyday to my work is as appealing as syphillis but I guess needs must if I want to fund my way through University, Im trying to find jobs closer to home but the cooking job I went for hasn't contacted me for a final response, which is just plain rude. I could ring them yeah, but its a matter of principle. That and I can't find the number for them.

I was feeling depressed again so I started an affair with a dolphin.
Now I feel my life has a porpoise again.

5 WORD NEWS REPORTS

SEE YOU LATER, CRUEL WORLD
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8660373.stm

WHAT A BUMMER FOR RESIDENTS
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/8660449.stm

AND THATS A SUCCESSFUL OPERATION
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/8660449.stm

DIDN'T NO DAMAGE TOO MESELF
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8636950.stm

Love and Waitrose adverts

Jc