I've always felt inclined to change the gradient on my treadmill.

Hello people, I hate you so much I wouldn't piss down your neck if your lungs were on fire.
Getting my loan tomorrow. Well. The Glaswegians on the phone said that it is. The Glaswegian people who are so ugly they make John Carpenters The Thing capable of making people garner erections. I hate them. I'm off for a big shop tomorrow if it does come in, I'm going to buy a few cd's, dvd's, clothes, books, and a fuckload of food. Can't wait. I'm off to the Trafford Centre as well next weekend with my Mum and Lukey Woo.
I have nothing to write about at all. Lets write about the first thing that comes up when I Random Article Search Wikipedia.

2000 FIA GT Estoril 500km - Fuck that shit.
Cutting Ball - A murderer. Meh.
Friends (season 6) - Fuck it, right here we go.

'Friends', the show annoys me. It's watchable yeah, but its distorted my view of New York so much I want to live there, even though I know that in the first 6 months I'd get mugged, stabbed, eaten by tramps or something equally as plausible. The BIGGEST thing that pisses me off about sitcoms and TV in general that it doesn't portray real life accurately. Take 'The Inbetweeners', every fucking week Facebook is inundated with statuses and pages saying 'My life is just like an episode of The Inbetweeners'. No it fucking isn't you tool. I understand that people who mass talk about a show is just as annoying as people who complain about the people who mass talk about a show, but I've never said that I'm not a hypocrite, and I know for a fact I've got more IQ in my wanksock than they have in their cabbage-for-a-brain.
I suppose if they did make a show which was exactly like someones normal life, it would be neither funny nor interesting. Oh no, wait, THATS A LIE. Can anyone actually say that the funniest moments in their life come from watching a performance of any kind, whether it be TV, Film, Live Shows? I'd be quite sad with my life if I could answer yes. Of course, such performances are hilarious, the funniest thing I've seen on TV ever is from an episode of Shooting Stars with Angelos Epithemiou, but even that doesn't compare with that time in Secondary School when I kicked a football really hard and it hit someone square in the head, making this guy drop his sandwich, come running over to me demanding money for another sandwich whilst I was on the floor in tears, sides hurting from laughter.
Another example, funniest live show I've seen is Bill Bailey live at the MEN Arena, but that doesn't compare to the time my mate Greg threw a half full (ooh positive) can of cider at a girls face.
Ok, Ok, both these examples involve something hitting someone in the face, its lowest common denominator humour, but these are the examples that anyone would come up with. No-one would name a political, satirical conversation they had with a close friend as the funniest thing they've ever witnessed. It would always, ALWAYS, be it Harold Shipman or Nelson Mandela, come down to something making physical contact with something else, whether its man hitting floor or child slapping its own face by accident with baby food.
Or in the case of Harold Shipman, a needle jabbing into an arm of a 75 year old woman. Oh, Harold, you and your CRAZY ways.

Love and Art Brut.