Fuck it, I'm back in the game.

Good day beautiful people.

I've been crowing a lot and sighing deeply when other people talk about their relationships, whether good or bad, breathing in heavily, then breathing out and saying, "Well at least you have someone to argue with" or "That's lovely, I wish I had someone to do that with". After a good few weeks (read months) of doing this I've discovered that I've been incredibly selfish. I mean, come on, I'm at University, I have fantastic friends old and new, I have a lovely family that would cut off their own arm just so I could go on holiday (or something crazy like that). It's one aspect of my life that isn't perfect. Everything else is. I couldn't ask for a better situation to be in now. Moaning that I haven't got a girl on my arm is taking for granted everything good that I have now. Of course it would be lovely, but as a friend said recently (by friend I mean The Supremes), "You Can't Hurry Love".

Well that's enough shmaltz for a good year.

A friend of mine called Pippa asked me to do a blog about her, she can settle for half a blog or nothing. Now, she's a beautiful girl, but I wouldn't have the foggiest what to write about her. Half baked political views are overused, if you want half baked political views go and read Liam Quinns blog. AYYOOOOOOO! BLOG BITCH! The first thing that enters my mind every time I think of Pippa is the dog from Come Outside, a fucking awesome children's show featuring a middle-aged woman who seems like the ultimate Auntie or Grandma, a plane which is covered in multi-coloured dots, and a dog called Pippin which seems to get into crazy situations like being covered in flour (when they visit a flour factory) stealing a dock-off load of sausages (when they visit a sausage factory) or eating a load of flowers (when they visit a flower factory, more commonly known as a. Right stop there, I'm drunk as hell and I can't remember the word for where they grow flowers, I refuse to type it into Google, as that would lower my self-esteem further into the minuses. Jesus what is the word. FLORIST. That's it. I Googled 'Flower factory'. Shame on me). I loved that show, it was mental. Auntie Mabel was the woman's name now I think about it. She seemed well cool. The theme tune was quite sweet as well. I remember singing it on nights out when I went out with my best friend Greg in Fleetwood, one time even getting a group of other guys singing along, who obviously had similar memories.

Fuck I'm supposed to be talking about Pips. Right. Well looking on her Facebook she's been to a Ann Summers party, hosted by a very attractive girl as far as I remember. I liked her. Won't see her anytime soon so I don't mind putting that. Ann Summers is a scary place, I remember going in there the first week of Uni here in Lancaster with my newly met friends (who were all girls by the way), an incredible range of vibrators were on display in the furthest away section. The only mens comparison I could make, was that of a porn shop, which are held in the same values of sexual deviants and creepy old men. It seems a little one sided, girl power, and all that. If there was a men's Ann Summers set up selling very nice boxers and pants, and a little corner for jerking-off equipment, the BBC would be in uproar, the Daily Mail would explode, blaming immigrants and gypsies for such an uprise and Trevor McDonald would be wheeled out for a half-hour special examining such jerking-off equipment and shaking his jowls in disbelief. I totally understand I'm gibbering on, but I don't care. Right, moving on.

"I have a crush on the Geordie Hairy Biker" she says. Aren't they both Geordie? I know what she means though. They have a special quality about them that suggests they'd make a fucking lovely husband. Then everything else in her Info panel is all in jokes that no-one else would get or ever read. Lovely. That'll do for now I think. I have 22 dough balls in the oven that need to be taken out, eaten, thrown back up again then tasted for a second time.

Love and 11quid for two Red Bull and vodkas. Ridiculous.

Jc