Character Assassination

Student Finance workers are sorry excuses of chromosome pairs who for all I know, could have just 18 pairs of the aforementioned. In essence I'm calling them fucking cabbages. I can say hand on heart I have never been more angry than I have ever been in my life putting the phone down after saying goodbye to my Mum who told me the news of what the Glaswegian pant-shitters down at Student Finance England told her today.
She's writing to the local MP, I'm venting not only my spleen, but also my liver, kidneys and appendix all over your faces if you like it or not.
All I'll be offering is a very sweary list of insults at how stupid they are. If someone from Student Finance reads this, then awesome. I have a mate who had a rant at the short term loan company 'Wonga.com' and someone from the company somehow read it. I can only pray that someone at Student Finance knows how to work a computer.
Have you ever heard that saying, 'if you gave an infinite amount of monkeys an infinite amount of typewriters with an infinite amount of time, they'll produce the entire works of Shakespeare'? I'm pretty sure if you swapped the word 'monkeys' with 'Student Finance England workers' I'd put my money on the monkeys to finish it first. Even if you gave the Student Finance England workers a headstart, such as having the entire works of Shakespeare in front of them, it'd be too many words and too much hard work to comprehend and they'd end up turning into alcoholics and battering their spouses like the Glaswegians that they are.
20 to 100 million sperm were released on average when the Student Finance England workers mothers and fathers (Whoever that may be, I'm confident they wouldn't know) had sex, and they were the fastest? Those braindead, bumbling, yellow-bellied bastards? Its a shock they even had the balls, brains and sense to even be born. They should be stuffed back up into the womb they came from, or at the very least walk backwards into the sea and grow gills, to be, quite literally, the biggest fish in a small pond, and achieve something for the first time in the petty excuse of their room-temperature IQ'd lives.
Now give me my fucking money or I'll punch you so hard I'll wear you as a puppet and perform sex acts on your pets.

Thats all the anger out of me for another year. I'm off to cuddle a puppy.

Love and kisses and cuddles and happiness
Jc