"I killed a man" and "UCum Warriors" (or Everything You've Wanted to Know About Shitting In Unisex Toilets, But Were Too Afraid Too Ask)

Hello my strangely moist backseats on my busride of life.
I'm in Lancaster, home of a weekly radio show spoken in Polish and hometown of Andy Wear, star of ITV's 'The Royal', I moved here last Sunday and was welcomed by an ecletic mix of housemates that I'd rate 9/10 of the International Josh Cannings 'Sorted' scale. Rooms massive compared to my Edge Hill residence, but it doesn't have a tv/computer and en suite bathroom, of which you could sit down on the toilet, take a piss, have a shower and watch tv all at the same time. If you did this in my new room at Lancaster, it would involve a lot of mirrors, the DIY SOS team and a tv aerial installed in my room. I'd have a go, but I can't fucking stand Nick Knowles, he always looks like he's hooked up on morphine and then asked a really difficult question about the existance of God.
Me my coursemates as well, who seem fantastic, me and three girls on the course played 'Have I Never' the first night, therefore giving me a lot of fodder for blackmail, if it wasn't for the fact they now the sexual antics of my conquests, (yes I used conquests, I'm in Lancaster, it is allowed) I'm looking forward to starting my course very much so, it seems like it's much more structured and flexible than Edge Hills course, you're given the option of what era's to study from and more understanding of students needs, something Edge Hill didn't seem to get right.
I miss the place though, like a wife misses her husband that beats her and calls her a whore, I miss it a lot. Even though they were complete gunts (google it) the people that I became good friends with were people I felt would become lifelong friends, and although thats still possible, the chances have been cut significantly.
One problem about Sarah Witham Hall, my flats, is the lack of en-suite accommodation, something a year ago I could not have lived without, it just shows how much I've changed in a year, I've changed into a toilet and germ freak with a compulsion for order and symmetry to a germ freak with a compulsion for order and symmetry. Go me.
I'm going to leave now, Student Finance have cooked up a good fucking serving of 'Stupid Request' Bolognase that I need to choke on.
Now I'm back doing Creative Writing I've started to use metaphors everywhere, I feel like a poor mans Jeremy Clarkson. Actually thats just Quentin Wilson. I feel like Quentin Wilson then.

Love and Ham and Eggs for £1.99

Jc